Both Sides of Everything

Cubicle Life: Things Heard Around The Office

Boss: 'Those of you who got good ratings this year have just raised the bar, so you'll have to do even better next year to get the same rating.'
Employee(aside) 'So if we just whack the high performers, the bar will lower back to a manageable level.'
 
New Person: 'Where's the color printer?' 
Old person: *Laughs in New Person's Face and hands her some colored highlighters*
 
Random Employee: 'My Wii Fit chastised me last night for not playing enough. And then it told my boyfriend on me! And then it told me I should tell my boyfriend I think he looks good. Since when does Nintendo do relationship counseling?'
 
Depressed Random Employee: 'So I just got an email that our pension plan is being taken away!'
Boss Attempting to be Comforting: 'Just be lucky you all have a job at this point.'
 
Disgruntled client: 'I want to speak to your supervisor!'
Employee: 'She's in meetings all day, she'll have to call you back.'
Client: 'Then I want to speak to her assistant.'
Employee: 'She doesn't have an assistant.'
Client: 'No, that won't work. I want the name of someone higher than your supervisor.'
(*Because you ain't no one if you don't have an assistant!*)
 
Random Employee: 'I don't want to get married. Cuz if I die, my wife will get my money and spend it on a new person.'
 
HR: 'You seem like a tight-knit team. What would you do if a new person came on?'
Employee: 'Beat them into submission and harass them until they conform.'

 

The Cubicle Life: X-Mas Parties in Corporate America

Evolution of a Customer Service Rep

Things I Learned Working in a Call Center

-If a customer asks to speak to someone's supervisor, they will likely speak with that person's cube mate.
This is an age-old tactic.
--"Hey, Sam, pretend to be my boss!"--

-If a customer gets told, "Let me put you on hold for a moment while I look into this," it inevitably means the Customer Service Rep is:
a) laughing at them and sharing the story of idiocy with anyone in earshot
b) eating lunch
c) hoping the customer gets tired of being on hold and hangs up
d) all of the above.
--"Oh my god, this woman thinks because her network is wireless she doesn't need to plug in her computer!"--

-No one has time to monitor your call for 'quality assurance.' And when they do, they're also on Ebay and checking their Hotmail, not really paying attention to your call.

-Sometimes a Customer Service Rep won't give a customer their name at the start of the call. It's likely because:
a) They know they may end up hanging up on the customer, giving them crappy answers, or putting them on hold indefinitely, so they don't want the customer to report them to their supervisor.
b) They plan to give excellent customer service, but don't want the customer asking for them by name next time they call!
--Really, once you help someone, they will come to you forever. And expect you to remember them and their previous problems!--

-Phone prompt menus are deliberately confusing. They are designed in the hope that customers get frustrated and give up.
--Press 'one' for English,
--Press 'two' for espanol.
--Press 'three' if you were born in a leap year.
--Press 'four' if you think you know what your problem is, but aren't certain.
--Press 'five' if you want to talk to a live person.
--Press 'six' if you want to talk to a dead person.
--Press 'seven' if you are calling from a rotary phone.--

-While it is frustrating for relatively intelligent customers to get asked the same basic, stupid questions (did you make sure your cell phone was turned on? did you check the cables? did you restart your computer?) they are asked for a very important reason: Most People Are Idiots.
--"Can I have your ID number?"
--"I don't know what my ID number is."
--"Do you have your ID card?"
--"Yes."
--"It's the numbers after the words 'ID Number'."
--"Oh, I found it!"--

The Cubicle Life: Office Mingling

                     

The Cubicle Life: Voluntary Committees

                     ... otherwise known as committees that your boss
                                               volunteers you for.
                    

The Cubicle Life