Both Sides of Everything

The (Financial) State of California

 
 

In Honor of Michael Jackson and The Effect He Had On Our Lives...

'Things that Make You Go Hmmm' MJ Lyrics:
 
-"You're Just A Buffet, You're A Vegetable, They Eat Off Of You, You're A Vegetable" 
Um...ok, I'm a what now? 
 
-"Annie Are You OK? So, Annie Are You OK? Are You OK, Annie?"
I think if you have to ask that many times, the answer is an implied 'no'. Particularly given all the evidence at the scene...

-"Just Promise Me Whatever We Say Or Whatever We Do To Each Other, For Now We'll Make A Vow To Just Keep It In The Closet"
Ok, but just for now. What exactly is the waiting period before I can do a tell-all about Naomi Campbell's vajayjay anyway?
 
-"I Took My Baby On A Saturday Bang"
I just want to know what a Saturday bang is, cuz I think I missed out on something really awesome in my adolesence...
 
-"I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish Kind Of Love"
There's nothing wrong with self-love. I mean, maybe your spouse isn't always in the mood!

 
"Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight;
Here One Day, Gone One Night
Like A Sunset, Dying With The Rising Of The Moon;
Gone Too Soon"
 
Word.

This Week in Things!

Things We Weren't Shocked By...

-Perez Hilton got smacked around by a celebrity.

-Jon & Kate filed for divorce.

-Shia Lebeouf tried to defend being a mother-lover and failed.

-Iran had a dirty election.

-The US got beat in soccer.
 
 
Things We Were Somewhat Surprised By...

-Brad Pitt called Mel Gibson 'Sugar Tits' at an awards show! Cool though....

-Nadal dropped out of Wimbledon.

-Chris Brown plead guilty.

-Tiger Woods only tied for 6th at the US Open.
 

Things We Were Floored By...
....................?
 
We are very hard to shock, but the prices of hard liquor and hookers are getting a little out of hand.

 

Wasn't It Sexy When...

-Patrick Swayze as Johnny Castle lip synchs "And I owe it all to you!" to Baby in 'Dirty Dancing'.  
 Riight, adorable. *Yawn*. At least you women had eye candy in that movie....
 
-House MD gave Cuddy an injection in the...lower, lower, lower back area.
So it was the injection that was hot, not her bending over and lifting her skirt?
Let's just say it was a combination of her doing that and the symbolism of him, uh, sticking something in her, hehehe.
Men are pigs....
 
-Brad Pitt as JD shows off his robbery skills to Thelma in 'Thelma & Louise'.
Oh, the movie otherwise known as 'All the Ways Men Suck'. 
 
-Angelina Jolie in that Dominatrix outfit in 'Mr & Mrs Smith'. Hmm, those boots went up all the way...
You men and dominatrixes....so, what you're saying is you'd love it if I slapped you around more. I can do that.
 
-Richard Gere as Zack Mayo carries Paula out of the factory in 'An Officer and a Gentleman'.
Oh, the movie otherwise known as 'Wow, That Chick is a Crazy Biatch Ho!'
 
-That scene in 'Blue Velvet' where Isabella Rosselini, on her knees, makes Kyle MacLachlan strip while threatening him with a knife, and then forcing him to stand still as she starts to ah...heheh....well, you know.
'Forcing him'.....riiiight, I bet he was just DYING to get away.

-Kate Beckinsale in 'Underworld', in that vinyl catsuit...well, pretty much every scene she's wearing that...
And again with the dominatrixy outfits....seriously, I'm starting to see a pattern here.
Good, because I already ordered your catsuit...
Hey!
 
-Spike and Buffy get...close on the balcony.
Yeah, I got nothing. That was hot.

  

Cubicle Life: Things Heard Around The Office

Boss: 'Those of you who got good ratings this year have just raised the bar, so you'll have to do even better next year to get the same rating.'
Employee(aside) 'So if we just whack the high performers, the bar will lower back to a manageable level.'
 
New Person: 'Where's the color printer?' 
Old person: *Laughs in New Person's Face and hands her some colored highlighters*
 
Random Employee: 'My Wii Fit chastised me last night for not playing enough. And then it told my boyfriend on me! And then it told me I should tell my boyfriend I think he looks good. Since when does Nintendo do relationship counseling?'
 
Depressed Random Employee: 'So I just got an email that our pension plan is being taken away!'
Boss Attempting to be Comforting: 'Just be lucky you all have a job at this point.'
 
Disgruntled client: 'I want to speak to your supervisor!'
Employee: 'She's in meetings all day, she'll have to call you back.'
Client: 'Then I want to speak to her assistant.'
Employee: 'She doesn't have an assistant.'
Client: 'No, that won't work. I want the name of someone higher than your supervisor.'
(*Because you ain't no one if you don't have an assistant!*)
 
Random Employee: 'I don't want to get married. Cuz if I die, my wife will get my money and spend it on a new person.'
 
HR: 'You seem like a tight-knit team. What would you do if a new person came on?'
Employee: 'Beat them into submission and harass them until they conform.'

 

Weird Headlines:

'Maury' Joins the Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
(Pregnancy prevented guaranteed, or we'll tell you who your babby daddy is for free!)

Rice vigorously defends Bush on interrogations
(Wait...still? Again? What exactly happened in the last election?? Was it all a dream? Is Bush really Dictator for Life??)

Farmer possibly gave swine flu to pigs
(Um, ok, you can love your pigs, just don't looove your pigs.)

'Wolverine' bites chunk out of box office
(Ok, but Wolverine doesn't really bite. How about 'takes a slice out of box office'? Or 'cuts up the competition'? I'm not sure he even ate anything in this movie...)

Men don't have 'guilty' pleasures
(So...the use of quotation marks leads me to believe that men either don't have consciences or all their pleasures are innocent and pure. Hmm, toughy...)

Friends Defend Jon Gosselin as a Faithful Husband
(Hmm, Jon & Kate & His chippy on the Side plus 8 and maybe a couple more if the Maury Show doesn't go Jon's way.)

It's Earth Day! Here are some ways you can help our Mother survive!

--Turn off that air conditioner! Our ancestors managed the 100+ heat just fine without it.              
(Yeah, and they also had a thicker layer of ozone and a thinner layer of fat!)
 
--Pick up any litter you see!                
(And pick up a little you don't see too, why be so lazy about it?!) 
 
--Walk more, drive less!                  
(Hey, it's a better excuse to be late for work than you usually have.) 
 
--Conserve water by bathing less! 
(Hey, it's a better excuse to be stinky than you usually have.)

--Turn off the lights of the rooms you're not in
(How the hell do I turn off lights while I'm not in the room? Who am I, Criss Angel??)
 
--Think about getting a Hybrid rather than your gas-guzzling SUV
(Right. I'm thinking....thinking....man I sure am thinking hard. Am I done now?)
 
--Don't throw your batteries out with the rest of your garbage, dispose of them properly.
(I still say they just toss it all on the same heap when no one's looking anyway)
 
--Write your representative about solar power, wind energy and other alternative energy sources. They care and listen to their voters’ opinions.
(BWAH HAHAHA AHAHAHAH suuure they do hahahahah ohhhhhh…oh, wait, you’re serious??)
 
You should do these things for our Earth. You should do these things for your children. And your children's children.  

But most of all, you should do these things so we don't have to.

And We're Back....With Tips On How To Survive Today's Economy

 

Belated: Things I'm Thankful For (With Hubby Commmentary!)

Sarah Palin is just a funny sidenote now.
(She's funny? Oh, you mean unintentionally...)

Febreze
(Wait, is that why we don't own a washer/dryer?)

Hugh Jackman
(Well...I can't fault you that one. The man is quite a specimen.)

The Birth Control Pill
(And how!)

USB sticks that hold a bazillion songs
(Obviously. They saved me from your eternal radio-station switching. Not to mention screaming commercials that. Just. Don't. End.)

House MD
(Hear, hear. I can't think of one reason you shouldn't love old, misanthropic, crotchety men who are addicted to painkillers.)

House MD Season 4
(...Yeah, that was a good season. They kinda lost it in S3 but S4 rocked.)

Mamma Mia and ABBA songs in general
(Which you barely knew before me, mind you. But yeah the Movie/Musical was fun. I didn't even mind half the cast couldn't hold a tune to save their lives)

The fact that people got kicked out of their house so that we could buy it cheap-uh, wait, that came out wrong.
(Ahem, she means the housing market crash did at least allow us to buy a half-decent townhouse, that we could never have afforded at 2005-07 prices. Obviously, still all very tragic and our hearts go out to those unfortunates. Can't help still being happy with our house though.) 

Aerosmith
(Good band. Old school rock. Where are the good rock bands these days? Don't get me started on all those emo twats.)

Aerosmith Guitar Hero
(Huh? You don't even have that! Hang on...is this just turning into a X-Mas Wishlist now??)

My hubby! 
(Yeah, can't forget that one. 'Course you may need a new one before the holidays are over, the way you run me ragged...)