Both Sides of Everything

Which Celebrity Relationship Creeps Us Out the Most?

 
 

Cubicle Life: Things Heard Around The Office

Boss: 'Those of you who got good ratings this year have just raised the bar, so you'll have to do even better next year to get the same rating.'
Employee(aside) 'So if we just whack the high performers, the bar will lower back to a manageable level.'
 
New Person: 'Where's the color printer?' 
Old person: *Laughs in New Person's Face and hands her some colored highlighters*
 
Random Employee: 'My Wii Fit chastised me last night for not playing enough. And then it told my boyfriend on me! And then it told me I should tell my boyfriend I think he looks good. Since when does Nintendo do relationship counseling?'
 
Depressed Random Employee: 'So I just got an email that our pension plan is being taken away!'
Boss Attempting to be Comforting: 'Just be lucky you all have a job at this point.'
 
Disgruntled client: 'I want to speak to your supervisor!'
Employee: 'She's in meetings all day, she'll have to call you back.'
Client: 'Then I want to speak to her assistant.'
Employee: 'She doesn't have an assistant.'
Client: 'No, that won't work. I want the name of someone higher than your supervisor.'
(*Because you ain't no one if you don't have an assistant!*)
 
Random Employee: 'I don't want to get married. Cuz if I die, my wife will get my money and spend it on a new person.'
 
HR: 'You seem like a tight-knit team. What would you do if a new person came on?'
Employee: 'Beat them into submission and harass them until they conform.'

 

Who Is Your Fictional Fantasy Doctor?

 
 

Things I Wish My Spouse Understood/Appreciated

Hubby: Stoppage Time 
Wifey: What is that, the amount of times I stop your amorous advances?

Wifey: The Infield Fly Rule 
Hubby: Does that have something to do with my zipper?? What do you want, I'm European!

Hubby: Black Adder/Fawlty Towers/Monty Python 
Wifey: Sorry, I don't get your British snake references...

Wifey: My Infatuation with British Royalty 
Hubby: Oh sure, you slobber over their young prince, but can't get their humor?!

Wifey: Why I Want a Monkey 
Hubby: What you want is a cute little gorilla baby! And you know what happens when it grows up to be a giant Silverback and gets all Alpha Male on us?  He'll go from pet to your new husband after he pounds me into the ground, that's what!  Hope ya like your new furry sexlife!

Hubby: How an Ape is not a Monkey Anyways
Wifey: Oh fine, be all technical about it! I still want one.
 
Wifey: The Significance of the Electoral College 
Hubby: Oh, yes, please DO explain that one to me. Your silly, antiquated system...
 
Hubby: The Significance of the Phoenix Saga 
Wifey: That's to do with the comic strips, right??

Wifey: Twitter 
Hubby: It just encourages that annoying netspeak that we hate! And the character limit means you can't finish a

Searching For A New Style

  

 

Cover Songs That Must Happen!!

Senza Una Donna(Without a Woman)
by: Elton John & George Michael

Dude Looks Like a Lady
by: Eddie Murphy

RESPECT
by: Rhianna

Rehab
by: David Hasselhoff

What's New, Pussycat?
by: Sigfried & Roy 

Crazy
by: Octomom

You Can't Hurry Love
by: Jennifer Aniston
 
Man, I Feel Like a Woman
by: RuPaul

I Just Can't Wait to be King
by: Hilary Clinton

Please Release Me
by: Katie Holmes

Weird Headlines:

'Maury' Joins the Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
(Pregnancy prevented guaranteed, or we'll tell you who your babby daddy is for free!)

Rice vigorously defends Bush on interrogations
(Wait...still? Again? What exactly happened in the last election?? Was it all a dream? Is Bush really Dictator for Life??)

Farmer possibly gave swine flu to pigs
(Um, ok, you can love your pigs, just don't looove your pigs.)

'Wolverine' bites chunk out of box office
(Ok, but Wolverine doesn't really bite. How about 'takes a slice out of box office'? Or 'cuts up the competition'? I'm not sure he even ate anything in this movie...)

Men don't have 'guilty' pleasures
(So...the use of quotation marks leads me to believe that men either don't have consciences or all their pleasures are innocent and pure. Hmm, toughy...)

Friends Defend Jon Gosselin as a Faithful Husband
(Hmm, Jon & Kate & His chippy on the Side plus 8 and maybe a couple more if the Maury Show doesn't go Jon's way.)