"I got a 'save the date' notice with no date to save."
(That's fine, I didn't want to go anyway!)
"Oh, you've lost weight! You probably want to lose about twenty more pounds or so?"
(Sure, but I'd rather punch you in the mouth!)
"Wait, don't take the picture yet! I have to fix my wig!"
(Do it. Don't tell the world, just...do it)
"A tiny man just pinched my booty!"
(....there are no words)
"Paper items hanging on the outside of your cubicle walls are a fire hazard. So make sure you move all paper decorations to the inside of your cubicle walls."
(So they're either saying that just by being inside a cubicle, paper becomes flame-retardant; or that the stuff inside the cubicle can obviously burn to a crisp and they could care less...)
"When people say "Act of God" it usually means something bad."
(Yeah, I wonder why)
"I think we should give all the conference rooms funny names!"
(I think we should give YOU a funny name)
"Queen Latifah has a clothing line out for big girls like us."
('Us'? That's it! Now I AM punching you in the face)

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