Both Sides of Everything

The Cubicle Life: Funny Things Actually Heard in an Office.

"I got a 'save the date' notice with no date to save."
(That's fine, I didn't want to go anyway!)
 
"Oh, you've lost weight! You probably want to lose about twenty more pounds or so?"
(Sure, but I'd rather punch you in the mouth!)
 
"Wait, don't take the picture yet! I have to fix my wig!"
(Do it. Don't tell the world, just...do it)
 
"A tiny man just pinched my booty!"
(....there are no words)
 
"Paper items hanging on the outside of your cubicle walls are a fire hazard. So make sure you move all paper decorations to the inside of your cubicle walls."
(So they're either saying that just by being inside a cubicle, paper becomes flame-retardant; or that the stuff inside the cubicle can obviously burn to a crisp and they could care less...)
 
"When people say "Act of God" it usually means something bad."
(Yeah, I wonder why)
 
 "I think we should give all the conference rooms funny names!"
(I think we should give YOU a funny name)

"Queen Latifah has a clothing line out for big girls like us."
('Us'? That's it! Now I AM punching you in the face)

Things I learned watching Euro Cup 2008

The enthusiasm my husband lacks watching the Superbowl....I found it!

There should be no such thing as a draw. It's just stupid. Ninety minutes of hard work for literally nothing. That's crap!

A 90 minute game really usually just comes down to a few key seconds.

I get that the name 'football' better suits this game than the US version, but they should really just call it 'excessive running with occasional ball kicking'. Okay, maybe not that. Maybe something similar with less entendres.

The US did not qualify. Again. I'm starting to think they don't even want it.

Soccer players are like children! The tiniest little tap and they're wailing on the ground. Unless no one's watching. Then they're fine.

Being a goalie is the only job where you get angry at your coworkers when you actually have to do work. No wait...I forgot about Upper Management.

Soccer is a divider, not a uniter. Heck, I've never been against so many countries before in my life!

When Husbands Join the Healthy Eating...

                  

Evolution of a Customer Service Rep