-Studios feel that well-written, well-acted TV shows are passé. We should only watch half-written, horribly acted TV shows.
-Almost all our favorite characters from almost all our favorite old TV shows are complete and utter schmucks in real life. (Not to mention junkies, criminals and/or sociopaths)
-The women on ‘Rock of Love’ have given me a whole new appreciation for porn stars and prostitutes: at least those women have jobs. And some dignity.
-I like Chef Ramsey. He’s the answer to the question ‘What if Gregory House was a Chef? And on crack?’
-No matter how badly you may feel about your own life, career or personality, you can always say: ‘Well, at least I’m not Screech.’
-You can do a talent show that claims to create Idols and Superstars. Then run season after season producing nothing but semi-Britneys, country-Christinas, Hotel Lounge singers and Karaoke crooners, and somehow, people will continue to believe you!
-We actually once believed the Jerry Springer Show was the worst thing our culture could produce.
-You could probably put up a 100 year old corpse in a show, call it ‘Love after Death’ or ‘Zombie Passion’ and droves of people will show up for the right to win its heart.
-There are apparently few joys as great in our culture as watching has-been celebrities fail to lose weight.
-Talent is no longer required for a TV career. You just need to be a stupid, rude, self-absorbed, utterly shameless psycho. Good news for a lot of people…
-I can't take that phone call, it will distract me from safe driving.
-Just a little Botox, Doctor.
-Generic is just as good as name brand.
-I'm happy with the way I look, I wouldn't change a thing.
-I always use crosswalks.
-I think that SUV is just too big.
-Where's the nearest Walmart?
- I always use my turn signals, how else can people know I’m changing lanes?
-I don't use credit cards. If I can't afford it, I don't buy it.
-I think wrinkles and gray hair give character.

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